Some sort of perpetual pain, despair, disconnect. No sense of belonging anywhere. Lost amidst people, lonely in company. Looking for direction in all directions. There is a disconnect even within me. When i cry, the pain doesn;t reach my inner self. Its lingering on the exterior of my body. I don't even enjoy pain, or crying like I used to. My head seems to be in one direction, my thoughts in another. My head feels heavy all the time. My heart feels so heavy, like some weight is pressed against it. I am scared all the time. I don't know scared of what. Just scared. All the time. Upset, hopeless, lonely, lost. That is what i feel all the time. I don't know what to do anymore. Where to go, whom to talk to, how to deal with this. I don't even know what exactly i should deal with. I can't even talk to myself anymore. My conscience is hiding somewhere. I am not happy. I don't feel happiness. Its been so long since i have really laughed or enjoyed something without feeling pain within minutes after that. I just don't understand what i should do. Where i should go. Even if i die, what is the use of it? What is its purpose? I can't even talk to anyone about it. I can't find the words. I am always choked. Confused. Lost. I want to be able to atleast cry it out. Cry it out so intensely that i can feel it, and let it go. I am not even able to cry. What do i do?
Help.
The sweetness of Doing Nothing.
ReplyDeleteMy sister mentioned it to me the other day while talking about Eat Pay Love.
I think the problem is we all want to be happy in terms of how happiness is defined by people around us. What is our happiness? We forget to ask. And we worry too much about being happy. I think we are happy.
Ofcourse we have dreams that remain unfulfilled and we get sad. But don't let anyone tell you what you lost out on. Their happiness is not ours. Grass is always, always greener on the other side. It's is cliched but true.
Protect your dreams and let not others' lives that seems so worth it and perfect, ruin yours.
I think I am speaking more to myself thats to you.