Adbuus and Chimpayya

My dad's been running his garage for more than 30 years now. Its a huge part of his life. Ups and down have all come. Dad stuck to it. Worked so hard. Still does.

I visited him at his garage yesterday, and when I looked at that name board of his garage, it felt nostalgic. I remember seeing that same name board of his garage for as long as I can remember. Its probably as old as his garage itself. Simple looking board, but so nostalgic.

Also nostalgic in connection with his garage is Chimpayya. I recall seeing Chimpayya when I was a kid, taking a fancy to his name, calling it aloud and everybody nearby erupting in laughter. Growing up, I hadn't visited dad at his garage much, but still I've always heard his name from dad. He was a young man back then, now, he is with greying hair. Yesterday, when I went to dad's garage to pick dad up, he asked me to wait for a while as he was waiting for Chimpayya to come so that they could shut the shop. And suddenly, it occurred to me that 'Chimpayya' didn't make any sense as a name at all. What could that word even mean! So I asked dad, if his name  really was Chimpayya. Dad laughs and tells me that of course his name is not that! 'Chimpayya' evolved from the word 'Chinna Payya' which in Tamil translates to 'Small Boy'. He joined dad when he was a small boy, everybody started calling him 'Chinna Payya' which changed to 'Chimpayya', and that stuck. His name, was in fact Ravi.

God that was strange! It was so strange to know that there is this person who you've known for long, not very closely, but known, and you only discover now that u didn't even know his real name all this while. Also, I realised, Chimpayya was actually a small boy when he joined dad! That he's been associated with dad for almost 30years now! So many people have worked under dad. They came, they went. But only Chimpayya stayed. I don't know why, but he did. Dad and he have been part of each other's lives for 30years now. Which is longer than even I've known dad. What is even more interesting that I've hardly ever seen dad and him talking much, or sharing a joke. Its like they have some silent understanding between themselves which even they are not aware of.

Chimpayya, Respect.
And my dear Adbuus, I love you so very much.

The Child in me.

I have a few uncles who adored me when I was a kid and didn't have much liking to me as I grew up. I have heard I was this petite, shy, playful and sometimes bashful kind of a kid who would almost always nod her head to everything one would say, and chat away happily with people I knew. I remember how baffling it was for me, when suddenly, those uncles who I adored in return, changed towards me. I thought it was because they couldn't handle the fact that I have started having an opinion of my own. Which might have been true for all I know, but can I really blame them for it?

It all is coming into my head now, unravelling itself. I think that is because I now have nieces and nephews of my own who I adore and love and cherish with all my heart. I just love that I can lose it all in front of them. That I can dance, limping all the way when I'm with them. That I can make stupid, funny unrelated sounds when I'm telling them a story. That I can actually make them sit on my lap and tell them all the problems I'm having because they don't understand a word of it. I love it that I can hug them anytime I want. That when I'm badly in need of a hug, if not anyone else, I have their tiny little bodies to seek refuge in. Don't you see? They're like my bestest bff!

Isn't it the best part of children that they have no opinion, whether prejudiced or not, about others. Isn't that what makes them so divine? It is. And as my nieces and nephews grow up, even I may not be as comfortable doing all these silly things with them. I pray pray pray that I still could. But I doubt if that's entirely possible. As you grow up, as you gain exposure you start processing things in your minds, you start developing opinions of your own. How comfortable would I be losing it all? Maybe that's what my uncles felt too. But whatever happens, how much ever we grow up, it is so essential to retain that child in us. Because as many opinions as we may have, it is not necessary to rub it into someone's face. Sometimes an opinion may not even be necessary. But the child in us, Is.

I love the child in me. I cherish it. I take pride in it. It gives me happiness. The kind of happiness that fills your heart and makes you fly. That kind. I definitely don't want to lose it. Ever.

Now, with Time.

They say that their is no cure like time. That time heals everything. That when in future you turn back and look, this will be nothing but a speck in the canvas of your life. That with time, any problem, however big it may have seemed to be, you learn to deal with it.
With Time.
With time, you forget.
With time, you forgive.
With time, you move on.
But what about now?
What do you do now when you feel that there is no way that you can ever deal with this.
That this will leave a deep scar in your heart.
That you won't recover from this.
What about Now?
What about this moment?
What about that crushing pain in your heart?
That lost feeling in your head.
That desperation in your soul.
That helplessness in every inch of your body.
How do you deal with Now?
When even you do not believe the assurances you are giving yourself.
What do you do NOW?